Star Wars Rumor Roundup #1!

Let’s face it: the closer we get to the release of Episode VII the more rumors we’re going to bombarded with, both plausible and outlandish. Let’s start this installment of the Rumor Roundup with something that just makes you go “WTF?!”

Bleeding Cool reports that one of the new characters in Episode VII will be a “mixed race or black” young woman who will be…Obi-Wan Kenobi’s daughter?

Well, that’s something I never saw coming…

Okay, not only does this upset me beyond all reason (as Obi-Wan is one of my favorite characters and the idea that he would have a child either during his time with the Jedi Order or after when his focus was devoted to Luke), but it flies in the face of all continuity either canon or in the Expanded Universe, which is going to undergo a major overhaul in the near future. If Obi-Wan had EVER had a child, whether known to him or not, it would have had to come up long ago since that would be a pretty BFD (Big Frakkin’ Deal).

We already know that he’d been “in love” with two women in the EU, Cerasi and Siri, one new one in The Clone Wars, Duchess Satine, and a one-sided attraction in the form of Annileen in Miller’s Kenobi. None of those relationships resulted in a child (for various reasons), so for yet another mystery female to be thrown in for the sake shoehorning romance into Obi-Wan’s life (AGAIN) infuriates me. I know this is nothing but a wild rumor and it won’t (at least it better not) come to fruition, but it still irks me beyond belief. Not to mention I have my own headcanon about who if anyone Obi-Wan would end up with even if its not a popular pairing, but that’s another argument entirely.

Something slightly more plausible and less rage-inducing are the reports of various actors either “in talks” for roles in Episode VII or are going for auditions. Hugo Weaving (a.k.a. King of All Nerds), Michael Fassbender, Benedict Cumberbatch, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Adam Driver are among the names reportedly meeting with Abrams to discuss possible placements in the film. I for one would love to see Hugo Weaving as Grand Admiral Thrawn in later films instead of the rumored Imperial officer, but that’s just me.

Oh yeah, I can totally see it.

The tiny-but-powerful swamp goblin Yoda may be making a cameo in Episode VII as well, according to CosmicBookNews.

We’re told that Yoda will have words with Luke Skywalker about a rising unbalance in the force and the need to preserve the Jedi. 

There is also talk amongst production that would give a nod to the previous Jedi characters in the form of holographic pictures in the new Jedi Temple.

It’s said it wouldn’t be anything major, but would be in a background sequence featuring holograms of Yoda, Alec McGuiness as Obi-Wan Kenobi,  Liam Neeson as Qui-Gon Jinn, Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu as well as others.

This could be a great way to bring all the films, original and prequel, full circle if done right. So long as none of these characters, especially Yoda, are brought back solely as a deus ex for the sake of wrapping up the story as quickly and lazily as possible, then Disney and Abrams and I would have a problem. The idea of having all the fallen Masters in the background like CosmicBookNews claims would be just fine in my book.

And finally, the newest plot rumor is that Episode VII will feature the original trio of Luke, Leia, and Han in lead roles instead of their children, as was reported last year. Michael Arndt left the project as screenwriter over this disagreement, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Several sites also claim that several roles that were originally intended for younger characters are being rewritten for older actors, presumably to bring the focus back to the Skywalkers and Solo.

And that’s the Roundup! Tune in next time when we bring you rumors of the new Death Star being converted into a discotek, Mark Hamill playing a dual role of Luke and the Joker, and the big plot twist of Episode VII being a computer simulation created by Clu and Q where Agent Smith infiltrates the Sith Order and fights the Klingons for control of Narnia!

About Reporter Michelle Lawhorn:
Michelle, a.k.a. Stormraven, is what can only be described as an eclectic nerd. Her interests and expertise range from Doctor Who to Lord of the Rings, cosplay to comics, and Bollywood to opera to name just a few. When not raving about her “fandoms”, she can be found working on projects as an Associate Editor at Haven Publishing and adding to her ever-growing list of Things to Cosplay. She can currently be found searching for more material to feed her newfound obsession with Star Wars.