Hichhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: Towel Day

Greetings Hitchhikers! As you all know, to be really frood*—one everyone wants to sass^—it is imperative that one never leaves home without a towel. As the Guide says:

“A towel… is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have.”

So in honor of Towel Day, the holiest (and sometimes holeyest) day of the year for fans of Douglas Adams and his Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy “trilogy” I have come up with 42 uses for a towel for the more Earthbound hitchhiker (provided the Vogons don’t blow it up again).

1. 1. A headscarf when visiting an orthodox church in Russia
   2. An extra bag when yours is too full from all the souvenirs you bought, pretending you will actually give them to friends and relatives when you actually are going to keep everything but the postcards (and some of the postcards)
   3. A stylish scarf for traveling through Europe (You’ll fit right in at Fashion Week)
   4. A pillow for traveling on an overnight train in India (trust me, you’ll want one)
   5. A cushion for sitting on any uncomfortably hard surface
   6. An Arabian headdress for desert travel, á la Lawrence of Arabia
   7. A sail for when you get stranded on an uncharted island and build a raft to escape…
   8. …Or a flag to raise when you claim the island as your own
   9. A shade when you simply must take a siesta in the sun
   10. A picnic blanket when you go out for a bite with friends you meet at your hostel (make sure they have their own towels; you don’t want to hang out with the kinds of strags*^ that forget them)
   11. A cape (Batman says they are cool)
   12. A hood for fending off the elements
   13. A skirt for formal occasions (works for guys to if you’re in Scotland!)
   14. A formidable weapon for fending off the average mugger (the Guide says to wet it first; that will be easier in England than in the Sahara, so use your own judgment)
   15. A rag for cleaning off sweat…
   16. …Or mud…
   17. …Or the inevitable ketchup stains from eating a hot dog in New York City
   18. A shawl for hiding those ketchup stains…
   19. …Though you should have just used it as a bib
   20. A sling for when you break your arm doing something dangerous (and probably stupid)
   21. …Or a tourniquet (same reason)
   22. A coffee strainer (apparently this also works with a sock…ew!)
   23. The perfect way to show that cute European guy how practical and resourceful you are
   24. An entertaining pastime trying to make cute animal shapes like they do in hotels (so much for that international phone plan. Am I right?)
   25. A secret stash for hiding leftovers
   26. A conversation starter (“That is a lovely towel there.” “Why thank you, my good man. It is a family heirloom, you know.”
   27. A ticket up any pole or tree (if Mulan can do it, so can you!)
   28. A blanket
   29. A pillowcase (you don’t know where those hotel/hostel pillows have been)
   30. Someone to talk to (especially if you make one of those cute animals)
   31. A disguise (generally limited to hobo)
   32. A rope for tying up prisoners (you may be spy; I don’t know what you do with your life)
   33. A gag (for prisoners or an annoying sibling)
   34. A toga (if you are traveling near a frat house)
   35. Reins (if you decide to ride any of the local fauna)
   36. A leash (if you decide to keep any of the local fauna)
   37. A floatation device (hopefully you learned how to do this in swim class; if not, I hope you have gills)
   38. A mosquito net (better hope there’s no holes in it)
   39. To dry yourself off (avoid those ketchup stains)
   40. To dust off an ancient relic doing an archaeological dig
   41. To send smoke signals to your friends in the yurt several hills over
   42. And when you’re done, you can sell it to a modern art museum (or pin it up on your own wall as a memento of your travels if you aren’t a famous artist—and if your family members can stand the smell)

Happy travels, and remember… “The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

* Frood- a really together person
^ sass-know, be aware of, meet, have sex with
*^ Strag-nonhitchhiker